


What Could Have, Should Have, Been

by Thighkyuu



Category: Jjba - Fandom, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Angst, JUST, Slight blood mention, also sorry rohan :(, being self indulgent, dont at me for ooc stuff pls, i put rohan through pain, just know that this is my dumb self, this is so self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25835920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thighkyuu/pseuds/Thighkyuu
Summary: Rohan Kishibe was confident in everything. Especially his relationship with you. In fact, you were his home.Which is what made this so hard.*Written while listening to exile by Taylor Swift. Recommended you listen while reading.*
Relationships: Kishibe Rohan & Reader, Kishibe Rohan/Reader, Rohan Kishibe x Reader - Relationship, Rohan Kishibe/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 58





	What Could Have, Should Have, Been

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry Rohan :(

Rohan saw everything coming.

With Heaven’s Door, he could read people, predict actions. He was confident in his abilities, in his relationship, in general. Especially in his relationship, in you. He’d never met someone quite like you, someone able to match him blow for blow. You were gorgeous, inside and out, and everyone loved you. You even ignored his jabs, something Josuke was amazed over. For every stupid little “you think I, Rohan Kishibe, care about something so trivial?” when you were upset, there was always an “I know you do.” Frankly, it kind of scared him. Just a little. And a little voice in the back of his head kept saying he didn’t deserve you.

Sometimes, he was inclined to believe it.

But he never gave that voice the satisfaction, never voiced the doubt. After all, who wouldn’t want to be with him? People would line up outside his door just for the chance. Besides, when he met you, he read all about you. There was nothing he couldn’t predict about you. At least, he thought so. But, when the two of you became a couple, you put forth a condition.

He wasn’t allowed to use Heaven’s Door on you, for the duration of your relationship.

That one was new, but he swore he wouldn’t. And he was a man of his word.

To his pleasure, everything went well. The two of you dated for a while, and, after around a year, you moved in with him. More important than that, he loved you. It was obvious to anyone who looked at him looking at you that he loved you, not that he would ever admit it. Love scared him, the whole of the emotion, the massive feeling, it terrified him. It was something he couldn’t predict. He might have been a little in love with you before the two of you even began dating. Not that he admitted it to himself.

You surprised him at every turn. He had, once, read everything about you with Heaven’s Door, but sometimes it felt as if he didn’t know you at all. You would surprise him with breakfast in bed, or with a date night, or something else suitable romantic. And you were patient. So blessedly patient with him. You took everything in stride, matched him blow for blow, and even somehow managed to get him to stop overworking himself (as much).

One day, Rohan woke up and realized you were his home.

That was why what came next hurt so much.

The two of you had been dating for one year, eight months, and twenty-three days - not that he was keeping track or anything - when it happened. When he woke up alone.

It wasn’t all that unusual. It was a weekend, and sometimes he slept in. He figured you were just in the kitchen, or the sitting room, or out doing something. Then he noticed it. The lack of things. Your stuff was nowhere to be found. Sometime during the night, you’d managed to move all of your things out. And you were gone.

You were gone.

He searched the whole house, just in case. Maybe he was dreaming. He had to be dreaming. Or this was a joke. A cruel joke. That had to be it. He was hoping, praying, for this all to be a dream. Then he made it to the kitchen. There, on the table, was a folded piece of paper. Written on it was just his name, in your lovely handwriting.

_ Rohan. _

He shakily picked it up, almost afraid to read its contents. But he had to. He had to know. He swallowed, rolled his shoulders. It couldn’t be that bad, could it?

He slowly opened the letter, and an earring fell out. One of his pen earrings. The one he’d given you, so that the two of you could both have one. As a promise. Something in him cracked, then, but he took a breath and began to read, taking note of the tear-stains on the paper.

_ Rohan, _

_ I can’t tell you how many times I’ve restarted this letter. I never seem to be able to get the words right. Hopefully this will be the one that does it right. _

_ I want to start by saying that I love you, Rohan. I have from the beginning. I might always love you. That’s what makes this so hard. _

_ I think you love me, Rohan. I really think that. But I think love scares you, and the more it scares you, the more you distance yourself. Which leads me to now, I guess. I’m sitting in your kitchen, crying, writing this letter. But I can’t look back now. _

_ I have to leave you, Rohan. And, don’t worry, I’m going to tell you exactly why. _

_ I feel like we’re a car crash; everything is going downhill fast but you can’t help but watch the disaster. I’ve tried - God knows I’ve tried - to put in the effort to get close to you. And you know what you do? Nothing. You don’t try and take me on dates, you don’t thank me, you don’t open up to me. This thing between us? It’s so one sided. And I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired, Rohan. I’m tired of putting everything into this and getting nothing back.  _

_ Koichi and Josuke say that’s just how you are - selfish. But I don’t think that’s it. Not exactly. You are selfish. But underneath that, you’re scared. _

_ I’ve seen this film before, Rohan, I know how this ends. So I’m ending it before it can get that far. I can’t stay in a relationship with someone who won’t put in the effort. I refuse. _

_ Maybe, one day, it can be different. Maybe you’ll realize what it is that scares you, and face it. Maybe then we can try again. _

_ But, until then… _

_ Goodbye, Rohan. _

He drops the letter back onto the table with a dismissive wave.

“Y/N’s loss.”

Somehow, he manages to move. He goes through the motions, for a while, but never leaves his house. Never answers the phone. Or the door. Barely eats. Barely sleeps. His manga goes on hiatus. He can’t bring himself to care. Then, three days later, he sees the earring on the floor, where he left it. His thoughts drift to you and everything comes crashing into him at once. The pain, the heartache. For three days he’d managed to numb it, but one reminder of you and it was all over.

The next thing he knew, he was on the floor.

He wasn’t sure how he got there, but once he was there time seemed to slow down. He hugged his knees, resting his chin on them and ignoring the fact that he was actually crying. He reached beside him and grabbed the earring that had fallen from the note and bounced onto the floor. He wrapped his hand around it, feeling the sharp edges dig into his palm and not giving a damn. He would never wear it again. If it wasn’t you wearing it, he never wanted to see it again.

He didn’t know how long he was on the floor, ignoring everything. At some point, he registered a knock on his door, but didn’t think anything of it. At least, until he vaguely registered a crash that sounded suspiciously like his front door being kicked down. He couldn’t find it in himself to care.

_ He couldn’t find it in himself to care. _

That was what had gotten him into this mess, wasn’t it? He hadn’t cared enough, hadn’t shown it. What was it you had said? He was  _ afraid.  _ Rohan Kishibe,  _ afraid.  _ Impossible.

Koichi’s face appeared in front of him.

“Rohan-sensei? Y/N told us-” At the mention of your name, he tightens his grip on the earring, but doesn’t speak.

“There’s blood dripping from his hand!” Josuke. Of course that brat would be here too.

“Huh?!” Okuyasu. Why was everyone here to witness his shame? Could they not just leave him alone?

“I’ll fix it,” he hears Josuke say, and jerks his hand away.

“No.” It’s the only word he’s spoken in who knows how long.

“Open your hand, dumbass.”

“No.” He feels like a broken record, but it’s the only thing he can manage, he thinks. Is he still crying? He hopes he’s not still crying.

“Rohan-sensei, let him help you.” Koichi’s voice is soft, gentle. Patient. Hesitant.

“I’m fine.

_ I’m fine,  _ he tells himself,  _ this is nothing.  _ He pushes himself off the ground. “I’m fine. Get out.”

“But-”

“This is just good manga research material. Get out.” The lies are easy, spilling out from him. In truth, he’s not sure he wants them to leave. But, like so many other things, he’d never admit it. He wipes his eyes, pushes past them. How had he missed all the signs? How had he missed your discontent?

_ Selfish,  _ a voice in him cries,  _ you’re a selfish bastard. Of course you wouldn’t see the signs, all you care about is yourself. _

He was a fool.

There was so much that could have,  _ should  _ have, been. And he’d ruined it. He’d ruined it all. He looked down at his hand, slowly opening it to reveal the earring. It had dug into his palm and broken skin. He felt like he deserved the pain.

“Rohan-sensei?”

They were still here?

He turned to look at them, not truly seeing them. His mind was elsewhere, on you. Was there even a way to fix this?

“Koichi-kun,” he says, his voice quiet, “I was a fool.”

What could have, should have, been, he would find a way to make it reality.

He would change. He would put in the effort. He would win you back.

Or his name isn’t Rohan Kishibe.


End file.
